Loy Krathong

On Wednesday at Fashion ,we had the party for Loy Krathong where we had a crafts class on how to make Krathong, the banana leaf and flower boats. The festival itself was last night and it is absolutely beautiful. Nadia took me and another teacher, Ben, to the night market by the river where everyone flocked to buy and make Krathongs and set them into the canal. The festival itself is to thank the River God as well as apologize for any bad things that people have done to it. So everyone builds beautiful boats and says some prayers then leans over and puts their krathong in the canal to float on. Some are made of bread so the river fish can eat them, others made of plastic, but most are made of the banana trees. Before the entrance, people were buying lanterns and lighting the middle, making wishes, and letting them float into the sky. It was beautiful. Me, Nadia, and Ben all released a lantern and made a wish for the new year.

 

We didn't buy any krathongs since we'd made them earlier in the week, but we watched as hundreds gathered to set their boats in the river with hopes of a better year ahead. Nadia told me how some people put a bit of money on the boats for the River God and in the morning, children are reaching into the canals grabbing the coins and taking them. Oddly enough, when leaving around 12:30am, there were two men in a seemingly sinking canoe/boat that were picking up peoples Krathongs and taking out the coins. I found this extremely odd, as everyone could see them and it's a pretty big loss of face. Everyone was shooting off sparklers and some were shooting off serious fireworks and they exploded over the bridge with all the boats lighting up the river underneath. Young Thai couples would make boats with love written on them or in hearts, ya know all the adorable shit. But it actually was quite cute. Overall it was a really good night and I'm really glad I got to be a part of such a gorgeous festival.

The Joys of Life: Food & Friends

      Had such an awesome night with all my new friends from training. I hope I can stay in touch with all of them, even though we'll be working at different branches. Being in my own kitchen as it was taken over by Thai girls, it reminded me of my own family. Chattering away while chopping and peeling more food than ever would be necessary to feed six girls. That's what reminded me of my family the most. The amount of food bought was obscene, yet unlike my Jewish relatives, almost everything was finished. I now have a fully stocked kitchen too, with everything I'd need in it (or so I think) to make some authentic Thai food. The made fried chicken wings marinated in soy sauce and garlic which was delicious and fairly easy from the looks of it. Also fried chicken skins and the chili garlic chicken that Nadia made. There was also a dish Kat made with chicken, Thai eggplant, mini corns, chilis, and a few other things I think. It looked like it was going to be extremely spicy, but it was just delicious. Afterwards, we sat around and had girl chatter for a few hours. It was really nice and I am so glad to have met them all. Hopefully, we will all be able to hang out again, maybe make it a monthly thing or something. I definitely want to stay in touch with all of them. I also  hope I can see the other people from training in the future at big corporate events and parties.

       In other news the training today was boring, but I found out I'm not supposed to ask for leave until March 8th, which really sucks. My first day actually teaching is tomorrow starting at 12pm to 9pm. We'll see how the commute goes in the morning. I'm getting  hours of prep and then I'm observing a class before I teach my first one at 6 I think. It should be a fun day. Wish I had some new clothes to wear, but that'll have to wait until next week.

Homoeroticism, an Old Man, and Abe Lincoln on the 5 Dollar Bill

Okay, so I did something worthwhile or at least interesting today. I left my apartment and went to the MOCA. Bangkok's newest Museum of Contemporary Art. It was in interesting place indeed. With many interesting things indeed... Upon entering there is a life size Salvador Dali painting a portrait which you can sit in and take a picture in. 

             

There is a theme of homo-eroticism in lots of Thai Art
from what I saw

 So that's cool. There's also three bronze statues of horses. One of which contains two horses on top of each other, licking one another's balls. The irony is added to this by the title of the work, "Adam and Steve." I haven't figured out how to interpret that yet. Anyways the first floor contains some gorgeous work of Thai photographers. Also some phenomenal painting. A reoccurring theme of life and death, along with breasts on pretty much everything including free floating breasts. I'm not sure if this somehow represents giving life or fertility or what, but I hope to look into it...maybe.

My Favorite

Either way the museum was beautiful and afterwards I went for a two hour Thai massage to counter the week of sleeping on my brick called a bed. Thai massage, as I said before is always an experience. This time the woman dug her knees into my ass cheeks while putting her elbow on my shoulder blades and went in the crazy circular motion. It was...riveting? I don't know honestly they are quite painful for at least the first thirty minutes before it can even begin to feel good, but walking away I felt good and it as $10 for 2 hours so I'll be back. When I thought about this post during my massage, it was a lot funnier and longer in my head, but ya'll like pictures anyways so I'm just going to flood you with the best ones from today. Last day of training tomorrow!!!

Take a good look at this one. It has Obama in the sternum of the ribcage and Abe Lincoln on the 5 dollar bill on top of some Thai Baht.

Also, I was recently informed that several states are "petitioning to succeed from the Union". If you actually think this sounds like a reasonable action get off my page! Good luck taking away my rights and trying to re-enslave black people.

Mugshots or Tequila shots?

      This week of training has been...a week of training for 8 hour days and an hour commute each way. That said I really like everyone I'm training with. I think I said that already, actually I am positive I did, but I want to tell you some more about them. Normally, there's that one person in the group that sucks, but that's not the case here. Nadia, is the Thai girl who's going to teach me to cook and works at Fashion with me as a PT. Ben is a  Brit who kind of looks like Harry from McFly, and Sam is an American from Georgia that looks like he belongs on a yacht at all times. I wish everyone was coming to Fashion with us, especially this girl, Tip. She's Thai and absolutely hilarious. She's really petite and excited a lot and she doodles drawings of either Samara from The Ring on all of her papers or a picture of a monk standing next to a dog. Both of which I find absolutely hysterical... 

Example A

     All the Thai girlfriends I've met have been extremely open and honest with me, honestly to a surprising level for having just met me a week ago. We have a final day of training for IT on Monday that gets out early and I've invited a bunch of the girls over for dinner and maybe a movie after. I'm a little nervous to make dinner, but I'm going to aim for something they haven't had a lot so they won't be able to tell if it's bad and I'm definitely not making Thai food. That said I finally got to go grocery shopping and buy real food so I'm going to get more comfortable with my kitchen this weekend.
     I went to pick up my visa pictures that I had taken a few days ago and they came out hilarious. The woman asked me if I wanted to see and when she showed me I just bust out laughing. Then she started laughing too and we just stared at my picture together and laughed. You aren't allowed to smile, but at least I look like a classy criminal. My mugshots better be that fierce, call Tyra!

      Tuesday I start at Fashion. I'm feeling quite conflicted about whether to move or not. For starters, I don't have a car to move and I'm acquiring more shit that would make it even more difficult to move. Also, I'm not crazy about moving away from the MRT line to where I can only get to one by an hour van. However, Fashion is a cheaper place to live and the commute wouldn't cost me at least $130 USD out of pocket ( in addition to my travel stipend). Plus, with utilities here and a possibly 8,000 baht commute I'm looking at living and travel expenses being about 20,000 baht alone and that's WAY too much. Either way I won't have the funds to move for at least a few months and I should probably get past the probation period first, which is 119 days.

   This unfortunately means that I can't take any days off until three months have passed. Which means when Amir comes I can't take any time off, but thankfully I have about 7 days off while he's here anyways because it's the holiday season and I get two days off a week anyways. YAY!!! I'm super excited and he'll be here for the Full Moon party in Koh Phangan which is going to be awesome I believe. Finally get to be with this handsome stud who I now haven't seen in almost two years now...that should be a crime.

        Last night, I went out with all the trainees for some drinks. We had a really good time, but I left somewhat early with the girls because I was so tired. I think some of the girls may be coming over for dinner and a movie on Monday after training and some happy hour drinks, but we'll see...

Everyone Likes a Working Girl, a fighter, and Rod Stewart

Had my first day of training in Silom. But wait, before this I had to go to the US Embassy for "Citizen services" aka getting robbed by my own country. You have to make an appointment to go and of course they had none until the day my training started, so I traveled an hour to get to my 8:15am appointment. I get there and there's a million people in one line, none in the line I'm supposed to be waiting in, but of course due to ...miscommunication I end up in the other line, only for a woman to chase me down and bring me inside. At which point they take my ID, my phones, and put it in some lock box. I flashed a creepy teethy smile at the security guard. I'm visibly annoyed at this point, but I can't communicate that so I might as well look creepy. He smiles back, which would have never flown is he was American, but because he's Thai he smiles and lets me go through security. Finally, get into the citizen services which is consisting solely of American men who seem to be married to non-American women. I wonder how much a marriage visa is because extra pages are $82 and a letter they stamp without reading or checking any other former documentation costs $50. CRIMINAL.
      Anyways, got to Silom start the training, it's insanely boring I can't even tell you what was said aside from the rules about Personal Leave, pay/banking, and a ten minute break. By the way, McDonald's sells popcorn. Three other people in the training group work at Fashion Island with me. Two teachers, one American guy from Atlanta, one British guy, and a Thai girl who is a private tutor. We went to Fashion Island together and met everyone in the staff. Everyone is so nice. The Sales girls/Education Consultants are all super sweet and I will probably try and get them to take me shopping wherever they go. The private tutors are super helpful and sweet and there is also the director, the maids, and the teachers. Unfortunately, the rest of the training is in Silom, so I won't see them again until I start teaching next Tuesday, but I'm excited 1) cause it means new friends 2) cause my new friends seem awesome.
In other news after the training, I went to meet up with my new friend who I got wine with the other night. Went to her family home, met her parents who are absolutely hilarious and ended up coming with us to this big show Bangkok Music Festival. It was basically a deserted train station converted into a market converted into a venue. I met a few of her friends who were super nice, all interns at this NGO that works to...something about preventing child exploitation? We had a really good time, there were tons of DJs, good music and good food in the market right outside. Overall a high ranking night for sure...

          

 
    This is a sprawling post because it's summarizing a few days, but anyways the next night I went out in Thonglor which is actually a very cool, up and coming area. Went to a restaurant called the Witch's Tavern, which basically looks like Halloween inside and there's a Thai version of Rod Stewart singing karaoke inside. We went to a rooftop hookah bar after, then on to our first actual local club which was basically the first experience with the Bangkok underground. It was insane, every table had a hookah and a bottle of Johnnie Walker black label and everyone was just chugging it straight from the bottle and chasing with water. Hardcore Thais. They had chandeliers in the shape of unicorns.
  The next day we went to a free Muay thai show that was filmed live for Channel 7 News Broadcast. All locals, screaming, betting (which is illegal) in Thai. It was definitely a very cool experience and it was free vs the 2500 baht bullshit at Lumphini. Afterwards we ate at and wondered around Chatuchak Market. Didn't wonder much though before I felt absolutely filthy and just went home.

We're going to check you for Syphilis now...

To get a work visa in Thailand you need to pass a medical exam, in which they take your blood pressure, blood type, check for Syphilis, Elephantiasis, Leprosy, drug addiction, and alcoholism. All the casual things, I'm sure you understand. So I went to the local hospital because my landlord assured my that they spoke English here. My taxi driver dropped me at the Emergency room entrance so it got off to a weird start with men running to the cab opening doors and me just walking out. I had the paper I needed in Thai so they understood what I wanted, but it seemed their best English was "Please take a seat". A woman took me outside to a golf cart that was waiting and drove me to another building where there was an eye health office and then wherever I was. Maybe general practitioners, I'm not sure. Anyways, the nurse who was 'taking care of me' brought over a questionnaire and kind of went through it. She basically read the English words but didn't exactly form them into questions. Example she said the word blood, I looked down said type A positive and she smiled nodded tapped my arm and pointed to Syphilis. I said ' uh no have syphilis', she hits my arm again says blood and I realize now that she was saying we will test your blood for it, but that was not clear earlier. Despite it being the cleanest hospital I've ever been in I still got nervous when she used the needle and this tiny daunting voice kept telling me I was going to get Staff. After going back to the lobby to wait a bit, I got called into the doctors office, who I was very relieved to learn spoke English. She checked my breathing, had me sit on the table and despite me wearing pants they put a towel over my legs. She rolled my shirt up a bit and for the first time I felt kind of embarrassed for having a belly button ring. I don't really know why but I just felt like she was going to judge me for it or something. She pressed on my stomach and liver and asked me if it felt tender. I said no and apparently that was my test for drug addiction and alcoholism. No pee test or anything. Anyways the whole thing took maybe an hour and some change and it cost me less $17. Hows that for Healthcare reform. Speaking of which at this point and I still don't know who the new President is. I get in a cab and the Thai driver asked where I come from, I said America and he shouted Obama. I smiled and said the election was today and asked if he won. He nodded, but I wasn't clear if he understood. As soon as I connected to wifi in the apartment I could tell he had won within seconds of Facebook uploading. At this point my day turned around and I went to go have dinner and drinks with a girl I met at the Halloween show. We went to this amazing Japanese restaurant where I got a noodle set with gyoza, kimchi, rice, miso soup, and some unknown tofu thing. All for $5. It was delicious. Then we walked to this place that has wine for 99baht which is about $3. It was super classy and a section of the Hyatt Erawan. Definitely, going back. The night was really good, lots of great conversation, as we chatted about Politics, America, Thailand, personal lives, school, and jobs. It was really nice just to have some free flowing intellectual conversation and I hope her and I will become good friends. I will also say that now is a great time to be living outside the US. Seeing America through an outside lense looking in is so much different. Ethnocentrism doesn't even begin to explain how self absorbed the country is, yes American decisions have an outreaching affect, but they don't make or break every other country's state of well being. People love or hate America, but there's a good fucking reason nobody is in-between.
    On the other hand, today I have done absolutely nothing. Tomorrow, I have my first day of training that starts at ten. However, before this I have to go into the US Embassy to get that letter and my passport pages. I should probably remember to bring a shitload of money and my passport and degree. Fashion Island hired two other teachers as well so I will get to meet them tomorrow, which is exciting. They are both dudes, and there is only one other female teacher there so I kind of wonder why that is but maybe they will live somewhere near me so I can commute with one of them.Anywho, I should have another update after at least the weekend. Enjoy yours!

Employment, Elephants, and Erawan

       My dear friends and anonymous stalkers, it has been a while. That is because since my last post, I made the decision to refrain from posting until I had a job. This is for your sake as I wanted to give you something more entertaining to read than..."today I woke up at 3pm again and went on Facebook, then I ate Cup of Noodles, then I watched Nat Geo Wild and went to bed." See I have spared you. Good news is I am officially a teacher as of October 31st, 2012. Being unemployed really is not that cool or fun. It involves way too many empty calories. Therefore, I am quite excited to start training as of this upcoming Friday the 9th. However, this next week will consist of me pulling money out of my ass in order to pay for new passport pages, however much it costs for a medical exam, passport photos, to get a letter saying the name on my diploma is actually me since the name does not match my passport, plus my visa one month extension and whatever else they can come up with. Anyways, I promised I had held out on you because now I finally have interesting things to tell you about, so I'm going to start telling you them rather than giving you my upcoming invoice and begging for donations.
         Ok so after I got the call about the job offer, its time to celebrate regardless but it's also Halloween. Two friends from my training program and a new found friend of a friend who is traveling through Southeast Asia all decide to go to this club in Sukhumvit for this performance by DJ Gareth Emery. We had a lot of fun and met some new people, that I definitely plan to force into being my new friends. One was a Swedish girl going to Fashion school in Bangkok and there was a boy and a girl who both grew up and went to high school in Bangkok, but had British or American parents. The girl was doing an internship after graduating college and I can't remember what the guy was doing, but I assume working. Anyways we had a very nice time and the next day I was invited by this friend of a friend (my new found friend Greg) to accompany him to his next location, Kanchanaburi. The place itself is beautiful. Set right on the river with the backdrop of whatever mountains ( I should Google it) cover the horizon.

 I really appreciated the opportunity to get out of Bangkok and I will definitely need to make a habit out of it because after a while I start craving something beautiful. The place we stayed at is called a 'Pae' which is what they call guesthouses that float on the water. My former student informed me of this and told me the feeling of being on it is called 'Sabai' which means "Easy life but be happy." I think that describes my little mini vacation very accurately. When I interviewed last week one of the managers told be there is a common Thai phrase, "Sabai, Sabai,...,..." I forget the end of it, but she translated it as something along the lines of be happy, be happy, have fun, have fun. Honest words to live by I'd say. We arrived there in the evening, had dinner, and then ventured around the local night market...where they also sell puppies, along with DVDs, clothes, make-up, and a large variety of food, including anything from pig blood soup to cake pops. To each their own.
        The next day we went to Elephant World (if you're interested...Here's there website). Here they take in older, sick, or abused elephants that have been pushed out of their herd (Hester Prynne status... smile if you got the reference). They feed the elephants and people go there and volunteer to take care of the elephants for months at a time. Volunteers can also come for the day, like we did, stay overnight, or stay a few days. So first we fed the elephants what I think were pumpkins or gourds or squash. They would wrap their trunks around it and then put it into their mouths. I can't describe how many of these we fed them, but I'm sure you can imagine because they are elephants and their stomach can hold 15 liters at a time which is as fascinating as it is disgusting. I would love to dissect an elephant and get a glimpse of all that. You could probably fit a small child in it's stomach...yeah, I'm going to look that up later. Okay anyways after that we went with the elephants down by the river where they drank part of their 150 liters of water a day requirement.

View of the River from the Top Camp

Then we went off to cut up vegetables for sticky rice to feed the elephants that have lost their last set of teeth. Elephants get six sets of teeth throughout their lives. In the wild when this happens they usually can't eat anymore and they are removed from the herd by the other elephants and left to die alone. Nature is a cruel thing folks. So we made some sticky rice then some riceballs and fed them to the elephants. I was actually scared shitless of the bull elephant we were supposed to be feeding these to and just stayed back and watched. These balls were not placed in their trunks but plopped directly into their mouths. I realize they didn't have any teeth, but they are still massive wild animals. After this we broke for lunch and then set out into the forest, jungle, random location with trees and the slew of Burmese guys who took care of the elephants started chopping down bananas trees and loading them into the trucks for the elephants lunch. After loading up one truck, we realized the one intended to take the people back was out of gas. The other truck with the trees drove back to go some. While we waited in the scorching heat one of the guys started foraging for edible plants. I'm not exactly sure why since we weren't exactly on the verge of death out there, but he brought back some peas and some sugar cane that when you gnaw on a sweet juice comes out of. It was actually pretty good. The second truck returned with a large Coke bottle half way filled with gasoline. It seems to be enough and we drove back to the camp on a baht bus that was seconds away from the benches becoming unhinged. It was a little nerve wracking, but what is adventure if not a close friend of death itself? When we got back, we went to the river to swim and bathe the elephants. It was awesome, but really overwhelming at the same time because you'd be standing in the water next to one elephant and another would come up on your other side and you'd have to stop and wonder whether you were about to die being smooshed to death by elephants. We went back to feed the elephants another fifteen pound snack of corn, which they can surprisingly peel using their trunks alone.

After spending the entire day there we were exhausted and planned an early following day to go trek the waterfalls of Erawan. There are seven waterfalls along the hike and they were each gorgeous and you could swim in I think all of them. The water was so clear and gorgeous and we stopped to swim in a few of them. The rest of the day after the decent down was spent in transit, buses to bus stations, buses back to Bangkok and then finally a cab back to my apartment. Greg left to continue his journey to the old capital, Auttaya.

      I slept for most of it, but when the 2 hour bus to Bangkok took 3 1/2 I started to get a bit nervous that I had taken the wrong bus. Thanks to my 'mai dee' Thai skills, I was able to talk to another passenger and make sure we were going to the right place. He then helped me at our stop and was very nice as was my taxi driver who was fooled by my initial Thai then probably as stressed as I was when he couldn't find my apartment and I was out of all the Thai I know. That said, my Thai is getting much better and I am getting much more confident. That concludes my fabulous eventful weekend, but I did come back to some saddening news that one of my close friends here will be departing to find work in Ho Chi Minh. On a more positive note, I finally met one of my neighbors who is a Thai math teacher at an English school. He said to call him Bad as in "Bad boy" and I assume that's his Thai nickname and telling foreigners that is the only way he can get them to say it right. He seems super friendly, offered to show us all around the neighborhood, and said anytime we are ever in trouble and need someone to speak Thai we can call him and he'd help us, which is a huge extremely nice offer, but that's how Thai people are. Like I said before Thai people will just take care of you, no questions asked. Okay there are a few other tid bits I wanted to bring up before I wrap this up...

       Okay, last week after leaving a club at 6am a prostitute sat down with me and Russell and we started chatting. She insisted on buying us dinner because she wanted us to eat Thai food. She ordered us this really good, but very spicy chicken vegetables and rice. She said she was half-Thai, half Laos but reiterated multiple times that even though she was half Laos that she loves the King. Then she went on to explain to us that she doesn't want us to judge her and she knows that all foreigners think of Thai girls as prostitutes and we just don't understand how rich our countries are and how poor Thailand is...think about it.

       Second, abortion is illegal in Thailand and although the abortion pill is registered it is very difficult to get a hold of. Women on Waves is an organization that provides assistance to women seeking abortions in places where they are illegal. Running the organization from a base in the Netherlands and a boat that sails from place to place to give women help that they need. This organization is amazing and you should be aware of it, possibly donate to it, and definitely tell your friends about it's http://www.womenonwaves.org/

Fast Facts and Short Stories

Ok this is more or less just a list of random shit I meant to tell somebody...

 Things/ Customs/ Cultural stuff...
 In Thai your head is sacred and your feet are the dirtiest part of your body. So you never touch anyone's head or pick up anything with your feet, nor should you EVER point your feet at someone.

 Barter for everything, including rent and except food. Never barter for food, it's rude and basically translates into their food being worth less.

Don't step over things step around them. Things being under your feet= BAD.

95% of the toilets in Bangkok are not built to flush toilet paper. This includes the one in my apartment.

Short Stories...

A middle aged Italian man sat down across from me at Au Bon Pain where I grabbed a coffee waiting for my interview. He told me he was there for work, had come in today, and was planning to visit Pattaya then go to China. Having spent the last two weeks living in Pattaya, I know they offer a different type of tourism industry. He then invited me to come with him to Pattaya and the islands. Bitch I've seen Taken, 1 and 2, and I ain't going NOWHERE.  Anyways, the interview went really well and they offered me a second one at their branch in Fashion Island. The second interview with AUA also went well and they offered me the job the next day.

While shopping at the Thai equivalent of Walmart, but less cheap ( I accidentally spent $85 of a blanket), Karisa and I were looking at shoes when a group of Thai young teenage boys started yelling Yo at us. I think it means something different in Thai, but he kept pointing to my back and gesturing wildly. I realized he was talking about my tattoo and he started imitating a tattoo machine which was weird. Then he started doing more inappropriate gestures at least in English they were so we walked away. I am considering getting another tattoo although I have nowhere to put it, I want the experience of the famous bamboo style machine.

Condoms and Cabbages, Side Saddle Motorcycles, and a lot of other shit...

First, I apologize to those who hang on my every word waiting in suspense for an update on my life. Since I know that is virtually no one, I shall carry on. Let's begin with last Friday. We had our last day of teaching, which was awesome. We taught the Cupid Shuffle and Gangnam style. Then they taught us a Thai dance. One where we did a Conga line and danced around the room and another where we did these ridiculous dance moves to one of our students chanting. Then a karaoke machine was brought out of nowhere and the assistant director's husband sang some song called Linda that I hadn't heard of, followed by Tom Jones Sex Bomb....again, and then more Thai songs. Afterwards they fed us lunch of Pad Thai, Som Tam ( spicy papaya salad served over  blue crab), and Tom Yung Goong (shrimp soup) , which was spicy as hell. Wandee made us each massive bags of the cookies we like so we didn't worry about dessert. We danced so much, everyone was pouring sweat and then they all gave us a bunch of gifts, we gave them a fruit basket, and then we took a shit ton of pictures...like so...


After, that class we had our conferences, where we discussed our progress, etc. Then we got out certificates for TESOL and then they took us to dinner. Which was awesome. It was one of those Japanese conveyor belt sushi things, but the sushi was on the sides and the conveyor carries plates of raw food, so you can pick up noodles, wontons, bacon, chicken, etc and dump it in the boiling soup in the middle of your table and it all cooks. It's awesome. You pay by the hour and it was the company's gift to us, so I ate until I made myself sick...obviously.

 

       Afterwards, we took to the streets of Pattaya, where seedy takes its definition from. Went to some bars, got invited to a lot of Ping Pong shows ( which inadvertently has nothing to do with Ping Pong, it's literally women shooting objects, such as ping pong balls, out of their vagina.) I know this not because I went to one, but because the people on the street throw you menus of the items that you can see being catapulted out of the 'entertainers'. We ended up at a bar called Lucifer, which was fine until a bar girl/dancer, named Cookie, brought me up on stage with her to be oogled by Russians, which I will now be openly racist towards at least in South East Asia, I do not find myself favoring Russians. Aside from Cookie wearing a fedora, she was pretty cool.
      The next day, we caught the baht bus to the station ($2), then the real bus to Bangkok ($4) and a taxi to the hostel ($3). Not bad. The hostel was...a hostel. In my mind, just because a place isn't fostering armies of rats does not necessarily make it clean. The (receptionist) guy on the couch across from the front desk wearing a shirt that read 'Wake the Fuck Up' was neither friendly or unfriendly. Hostels are a weird concept. So we left and stayed out as late as we could to avoid spending any time there. First we looked for housing in Silom, that were all much more than what we could afford then we met up with our friend Russel and went to Condoms and Cabbages for dinner. A restaurant/organization that all the proceeds go to AIDS education, etc. There's mannequins covered in clothes made entirely out of condoms and birth control packets. They even had a Tiger Woods made out of condoms that said "Did you Wear one Tiger?" After that we grabbed a few drinks in downtown Silom which is the business district area. At 2am the cops came down the street and all the bars immediately started closing which was strange.

The next day we spent the entire day apartment hunting again. We went to Mo Chit and walked through a huge market place. We asked a woman where we could find an apartment and these two guys took us on their motos. It was like playing a video game with my life. There's nothing to hold on to and the boys are driving the opposite direction of the traffic on the sidewalk at no less than 40mph. After the adrenaline, we found nothing. Three our of four places said they were full and the fourth was weird as shit and our drivers tried to leave us there.Our last attempt was the end of the train line called the MRT. After getting lost in the taxi we got to the place and the owner who said we could come later that night was nowhere to be found. A tenant and her son, Felix, showed us around and translated for the house keeper while she showed us around. We called the owner and told her we were moving in the next day. The next day we caught a taxi and drove here. I hope you read this far because this is the most interesting thing in this whole blog post.

The owner of the apartment's name is Fun (pronounced like foon). We sit down in her office to draw up a contract. She sees our US passports and tells us how she likes American tenants. THEN she goes on to tell us how a previous American girl tenant had her Black American boyfriend come visit. When he came he apparently went up to her room and slit her throat. But she didn't die, she called the front desk for help. He also threw an American cigarette out the window lighting the neighbors house on fire. Because they hold all guests IDs and he smoked American cigarettes the apartment could give this information to the police. She then immediately asks us how we feel about the election and says, "I am an Obama fan, but I was surprised he won because I know Americans do not like Black people." There are always times, especially when abroad, that one should keep their mouth shut. This was one of those times. She went on to say how even though Americans don't like black people, her and her dad, who is an American citizen, both like Obama and they bought his T-shirts last election and bought them again this year. There really wasn't anywhere to take this conversation, so we just moved in. Despite, this incredibly weird introduction, Fun is actually a very nice woman I swear. The apartment is in Bang Sue set back kind of in an alley. I have a balcony that I can somewhat see a Bangkok skyline from, although technically I'm still in Bangkok. That said, you can drive 2.5 hours and still be in Bangkok. Anyways after moving in, we set out and went to Khal San Rd. The backpacker party scene. We mainly just ate dinner and wondered a little bit, but next weekend some Language Corps people are visiting again so I'm sure we will back and it's only $1 taxi ride away from our new place.

Today I had two interviews. One in Silom for Wallstreet, the company I've been dying to work for the other for a Language School in Mo Chit. I may possibly go to another one on Thursday. Both went fairly well, but the earliest I can start in Mo Chit is November 5th (the day rent is due) and Wallstreet I wouldn't start for almost another month. I'm extremely poor because I had to buy a bunch of apartment stuff so I'm not sure how long I can last without a tutoring freelance position. Also, if I work for the Language School, I will need to go to Laos to renew my visa. To get to the train station this morning I took a moto. As a result of not being able to wear my matching pants because I couldn't button them, I wouldn't risk straddling a motorcycle in my other dress pants. So I rode side saddle...which is scary as hell.

Because I can't start working anywhere immediately, I have been in contact with previous employers about private tutoring work. Her correspondence was hilarious so I'm going to copy and paste the email she sent me here:

"Pretty Kate...

I'm very glad to hear that you have got the good place to live.
I'll ask my friend for tutor their children.
if it's OK. Can I give your email for them to contact you directly.
So it's OK for English class on  Monday but you and Becca are beautiful
then 2 new teacher. Yeah...
Cheer..
Take you time..  "

In addition to the sender of that email, I received a call from one from the bar girls asking when I was coming back, and another just emailed me a picture of some flowers and sent me a picture she took of us at the bar...it's good to keep in touch.

It's been really nice to be able to unpack for the first time in a month. The new apartment is fully furnished with a queen size bed, A/C, a shower and a tub, a mini fridge and a stove top, a desk and chair, a closet and a balcony. Unfortunately, I can't hang anything on the walls, but there's a few large windows I'm going to tape shit on. I'll post pictures sometime next week once I am a little more organized.

Let's Get On It, or Is It In It?

What the fuck?

         Today was my last full lesson. I taught directions and made everyone direct one another blind folded through the classroom. Afterwards I taught my first successful grammar lesson with past and present tense. It was actually going quite well until one student asked, "Teacher, what is difference between 'at', 'in' and 'on'?" At this point my observer had come in and was sitting in the corner. My heart sank for a moment, but all I could do was laugh because I would have liked nothing more than to avoid that question. AVOID was a new vocab word of the day. So I try and explain the best I can just by giving examples. I tell her she can sit on the table, but she can't sit in it and I can sit in a chair, but if I tried to sit on it I may fall off. Simply put, to be in something means to be inside. One must be surrounded by it, so we sit in chairs. Thinking I can now walk away from this prepositional catastrophe , she says, "what about seats with no back or sides?" "You mean stools?" I ask. "Yes, stools" FUCK.  Stools are technically chairs but you can't sit in a stool, you have to sit on the stool. I explained this which really doesn't make any sense as to why this is the way English speakers speak, but I think by the end she probably understood it more than I did. Anyways, when the class ended more students who were going to be absent Friday brought us gifts. Today I got a picture frame from a student, Malai and we all got invited to lunch after class on Friday. After our Thai test today Charlie, Becca, and I all went and bought gifts for our students, our assistant director Wandee, and the Director. We put together a very large fruit basket, because you can't give alcohol, watches, shoes, or flowers ( not that watches or shoes were ever considered) then something special for the director and Wandee. Hopefully, they like it and I didn't write anything too offensive on our thank you cards. But we will find out tomorrow.

Me and Malai with her gift to me

"I sought trains; I found passengers"--Paul Theroux

Wandee and I

My cool new wallet from Wandee

  Today was our third to last day teaching. One of my students came in and gave me and the two other teachers, Charlie and Becca a gift from Chang Mai. The gifts were really cool they are little keychains of dolls. Once we walked downstairs, Wandee, the Assistant Director of the program and one of my students, also gave us each a personalized gift. It was so sweet. Becca got a necklace, Charlie got a scarf, and I got a  clutch type wallet that's super cute. I'm really sad to leave the students behind and I know a new group of teachers are coming in so I feel very defensive of my students well-being now. They bring us coffee and cookies every morning. Even these delicious homemade cookies that Wandee makes and she even gave me the recipe...in English. She keeps asking me where I am going after this and I would love to stay and teach them, but I'm not sure I would be allowed to anyways because now they have some type of thing with LanguageCorps. I will however, always keep that connection. Me, Charlie, and Becca are trying to work out what to give as gifts. Apparently, watches mean death and shoes are bad luck. Not that we'd give thirty students either of those things, but just so you know. Those are more cultural faux paux for the Chinese-Thai though.

My Chang Mai Doll

After teaching, I had my last Thai class and I have to say I still suck pretty bad, despite having an indecipherable dream in Thai. We have a test tomorrow, but  you only need %50 and its open book. Aside from all the paperwork I still need to catch up on, my one-on-one is done, ad lesson planning for Friday will pretty much be 90 minutes of games, singing, and dancing to Gangnam style which was requested by the students. Speaking of which it was the director's husband who requested it. Yesterday, he broke out into song starting off with a surprisingly good rendition of Tom Jones' Sex Bomb. Followed by something by the Beatles and then We Are The Champions by Queen. Fucking Awesome. That said all of my requirements for the course have to be done by Friday.
         
          Karisa and I did our lessons today with the bar girls and again we had a lot of fun. We went around five and obviously the bar wasn't too busy. That said, the girls gathered around us when we'd start teaching a particular student and most of the girls wanted to get involved. When potential customers would walk by outside, all the girls would turn maybe even yell out 'sexy man', but overall they seemed to be weighing their options and going with the English lesson which was pretty awesome. There is a huge variety of levels. The ladyboy, the tomboy (opposite of ladyboy) and the manager are probably the most fluent. I taught a girl I hadn't met yesterday whose name was Tong and although she could speak English, she told me she wanted to go to school and wanted to know everything. It seems odd, since she could speak but she couldn't really read and the words she knew she didn't exactly understand. For example, she had the days of the week and the months of the year written in a little notebook, but she didn't exactly understand what they meant. I find that is the hardest thing about beginners. To a native speaker something so simple beyond explanation needs to be explained and learning how to do that is really difficult. For example, one of the reasons Thai is so hard for me is because when I try and form sentences in my head I am constantly searching for silly English words that don't exist in Thai, like prepositions and auxiliaries aka all the random shit most native speakers never even think about. So when a student asks what the word 'to'  or 'although' means, how the fuck are you supposed to explain it. Meanwhile translating to Thai you leave out half the words so if I want to say "what is your name?"  it translates to "khun cheu mai ka" which says 'you name ?--speaker is female.The good thing is they don't really have possessives. There is no, you(plural), your, mine, ours, you're, their, etc.  which potentially makes the language less confusing to learn. The kicker is one word has one of any given 5 tones, so the word maa can mean 'to come', 'horse', or 'dog' depending on the tone in which you say it. There's also two more tones you can pronounce maa that don't mean anything at all. Language is kind of a bitch and now that I do so much modeling of everything all the time, I feel like everyone in the world should just learn sign language instead.

The Ohh La La Bar Girls

Anyways that being said, the bar girls have asked us to come back tomorrow, so hopefully we can bring some friends to help us.

I Smell like Fried Chicken and Prostitutes

       The second most common reason for English teachers getting fired is they smell bad. This is mainly tied to smoking cigarettes, but last night I definitely went to bed smelling like the fried chicken I'd bought off the street on the walk home and the prostitutes at the Oh La La Bar down in North Pattaya.
       As part of our certification requirement we have to teach a one-on-one lesson. Me and my friend Karisa decided we wanted to try and give our English lesson to some lady boys or prostitutes. However, after spending a few hours on Walking Street in and out of some of the seediest bars we could find, we eventually had to turn around. When our teacher asked us about our 1-on-1s we told him we couldn't find our target market. He responded, " well if you want to talk to prostitutes, I can take you to some. I have friends. We can go to North Pattaya." Obviously, we told him to take us.
The first bar we went to was a bust, the girl serving us was super shy and kind of said she didn't speak English, but eventually let on that she was 26, had a 2 and a 3 year old, and was separated from her former Thai husband who she called a butterfly, one who pollinates many flowers. We moved on to the next bar, where our teacher actually knew nearly all the staff that was working. We got a very warm greeting and talked to all the bar girls for over an hour. I spent a while talking to a ladyboy that I had no idea was a ladyboy until my teacher asked her if she'd had both operations (she clearly had her boobs done).This stuff seems like it'd all be really personal, but the bar culture is just so much more open. She told me she knew she was female when she was about 6 and that her family and friends and school all knew, but she couldn't wear make-up and women's clothes etc. until she finished high school. By the way if you're thinking these women are just like gross trannies, they aren't. This woman was gorgeous. She even had a twin that was also a ladyboy which I find so interesting. While talking, I asked her about the dried squid a vendor was selling. This stuff smells aweful, and I mentioned I didn't like it for the smell and ended up offending them. However, within the hour the bar manager, a gay man named Boi, came over and gave us one. At this point I'd talked shit about it and now I had to eat it. I can only describe it as a step past jerky and of a squid. I tried to wash in down with beer and it expanded in my mouth. The consistency was the chewiness of jerky and a shoe lace combined. At this point I felt I'd redeemed myself. After playing Karisa in the world's saddest game of pool, the girls invited us to come dance behind the bar and get on stage. At my teachers request (because he thinks it's hilarious) I taught all the women how to move it like Bernie and how to do the sprinkler move. IT WAS AWESOME. We asked them if we could come back the following day and give them a free English lesson and I'd throw in a dance lesson. They welcomed us back and are even going to make us dinner (hopefully not one of fried squid). It was a really awesome night and I'm very excited to go back tonight.

Holler, City of Squalor

                                              
Spent the past weekend in Bangkok. Fucking Awesome! Literally some of the most fun I've had in a while. Went with this girl Gabby, a LC alum visiting her friend, another LC alum, Russel. Got there Friday night and took it to the streets. The city is like NYC where there's a million different neighbor hoods that make up the city. We stayed in West Bangkok on Cal San. The two and a half hour taxi drive to Bangkok and back, plus a room for two for 2 days cost less than $50 USD total. Four of us from the group went. Ok so I'm just going to break this down into high lights or the most fucked up things. Starting with the most fucked up things. A lot of the bars there are open outdoor seating so basically plastic tables and chairs and you can take your drinks and wonder the street. So we're at this makeshift bar around midnight and all of the sudden two massive rats, like the size of large rabbits start fighting. Most disgusting thing I have ever seen. They literally would run and lunge at each other and then bounce off one another's stomachs. The sound and the vision of it has not left my mind since it happened. Then the owner started kicking them and faked kicking it towards us and everyone jumped up and ran away. I need you to understand these rats, they probably weigh at least five pounds and they are comparable to small cantaloupes .. plus they carry the plague. After that we went to a rooftop bar where the band was singing Adele and it was uhh not good. We went back to this more legit indoor outdoor bar and everyone was dancing in the streets and having an awesome time. We sat down and all the sudden Bad Romance came on and three lady boys stood up and broke out into the Lady Gaga dance. They were awesome and afterwards I went over to talk to them and one guy took his picture with every single person standing there. They were super fun. Soon afterwards Gangnam style came on and everyone got up and did the dance to it. Around 4am still out in the streets we decided  to get some of the street food that everyone rages about in Bangkok. I got some awesome Pad Thai that this guy made on the spot, had a nice chat with another street vendor, tried some spring rolls, and then met some British dudes named Peter and Paul and apparently didn't make one joke about Mary. Disappointing. Earlier that day me and Karissa got our nails done at this place near our hotel. Most meticulous manicure ever, we were there for hours and we practiced a lot of Thai with her. It must have been pretty weird cause we went over almost all of our vocab with her. Imagine being with someone whose practicing learning English and they just recite the words they know to you...AKA we just sat there being like 'mango, watermelon, fish, fried chicken, 1, 2, 3" Pretty weird of us, but she didn't complain.

                                                     >> That;s her...^^
      On Thursday night I applied for this job in Bangkok teaching Business English. They called me on Saturday to set up an interview. They wanted to do it as soon as possible, but I have to teach every day this week and training for the new employees starts this Friday. I have an interview with them on Tuesday, but they only do one training session a month which means since I can't interview this week, if I get the job my training won't be until November 1st and you only get paid at the end of the month so that means I still won't be getting paid until December 1st. This really sucks. I need to pick a place to look for housing this weekend so I can put down the deposit (3 months rent) before I spend it all. In the meantime, I can't go that long without income so as soon as I get there I will try and build some clientele for tutoring, because that starts at $20 an hour.

       I still have to fill my one-on-one teaching requirement so tomorrow Karisa and I are going to go to Boystown and find some ladyboys we can give free English lessons too. Should be fun. While walking through the market today we saw a food stand selling cooked crickets and cockroaches and beetles. I haven't tried any, but seeing how big the cockroaches are here it is no surprise someone could make a full meal out of one. After going through the market, we went with three other friends to the movies. This was after spending twenty minutes going the wrong direction on a Baht bus. We saw Taken 2, because what else would you want to see while being abroad. It was hilarious. Spoiler Alert: Liam Neeson has a gun pointed at him while pointing another gun at the same guy, and pulls out his cellphone to call him daughter to tell her "Your mother and I are going to be taken". The movie theater was the biggest one I've ever been in and you get assigned seats. Before the movie starts there is a salute to the King, where everyone must stand and they play the anthem while playing a movie montage of the kings life. It was really interesting. Anyways, tomorrow I'm teaching families and the home. Haven't finished lesson planning and it's past 1am so we'll see about that.

Journey to the Land of Smiles

          So I taught my first class today completely unprepared and ended up being the staff of what I kind of think may be some type of assisted living. Me and two other friends were each supposed to teach a hour and a half, but when we got there they said they wanted  us to all just teach the first class. We thought it went really well and were all super excited when we got out and then we asked our observer how she thought we did she goes "yah, it was not good" literally did not say another word. Now I really understand losing face because she took face from all of us when she did that. So that completely changed the mood of all of us and we were just kind of pissed at her for the next 3 hours until we asked her what was not good at which point she just said our warmer took too long, but that we did good. Now I'm even more confused, but I will have a smaller class tomorrow and I have an idea of what my students know, who they are and what they want to know. The students are awesome they are 20-40s and they are mostly women, super chatty, really fun. Tomorrow we're teaching markets, then food on Wednesday, then recipes and cooking Thursday, then restaurants on Friday. So I get to talk about food ALL week, which is fucking awesome. Thai people are OBSESSED with food...which is also awesome.

           My apartment in Pattaya is large. I have a bathroom, AC, an electric stove stop, a microwave, and a fridge with a freezer (which now has Twix in it). There's ants everywhere here, including my room, but they are nearly microscopic and I have to force myself not to think about them. I thought the days here would be easier than the 9 hour straight days of training, but they aren't. We leave at 9:20 start teaching at 10 and we teach 90 minutes, ( separately tomorrow...or so we think). We have a break for lunch which did not exist today and then  we have Thai language lessons for two hours and an other ninety minutes of class for lesson planning. The days are long and exhausting, but hopefully they get better and I'm already teaching business English since I am teaching the staff...kind of. Spent the previous weekend at the beach in Sihanoukville and the last days in Phnom Penh were pretty crazy. I drunkenly ate an entire frog while handed to me on a skewer at a beer garden. Just to be clear it was not a bullfrog or anything it was probably 3/4 the size of my pinky finger in length. When at the beach, we went to seafood BBQ which included prawns, squid, and Barracuda, which was phenomenal. It came with garlic bread and a baked potato. That and 3 pina coladas and a sex on the beach cost $10 USD. All the restaurants had seating on the beach. When we left the group split up into our destination countries it was really sad because we've all become friends, but the plus is we'll all have places to stay in those other countries.

   
 The trip to Thailand probably took somewhere around 8 hours total, but we all slept. Infrastructure here is way better. Roads are smooth and there are much less animals in the street that can be as easily assumed dead as they can be assumed sleeping. Much more finished buildings, and less beggars.Also a lot less street kids. Apparently the Thai government gives money to the public schools to hire foreign teachers so they pay fairly close to what the private school pays. I'm going to Bangkok this weekend to try and get an interview for this company that supplies teachers to private companies to train their employees in English. I hadn't seen myself living in Bangkok, but I really want this job so we'll see what happens. Wish me luck, and I will keep you updated on my losing face blunders and whatever else may come my way.

"Always I want to live more intensely and richly"--Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer

Spent the weekend in Angkor, the home of Angkor Wat which is an ancient temple that makes a lot of Wonders of the Worlds list, and as well it should. It's gorgeous. We took a six hour bus ride from Phnom Penh to Siem Reap. On the way we stopped at a market famous for it's fried tarantulas. I am a big proponent of 'if it's fried, it's probably good' so instead of biting off more than I could chew I just ate a leg. If it was deep fried like it should have been it would have been indistinguishable  and I probably could have ate more, however it was a very apparent leg with the little hairs on it clearly visible. It was seasoned well and really it just tasted like any crunchy fried thing, but I wouldn't go back for seconds. They also had live tarantulas there that they throw on willing or unwilling tourists. I was lucky enough to dodge that bullet. When we got to Siem Reap, our guide/ not at all a guide in any way took us to the hotel and then had the bus driver take us to dinner at a place called "Happy Pizza." I'm sure you can imagine that secret ingredient. The next day we toured Angkor Wat and Angkor Phom for eight hours.  After dinner we took to the streets to go to the night markets. When I came to Cambodia on Semester at Sea lots of people got the fish pedicure which involved putting your feet in a tank where little fish eat the dead skin off your feet. This time around natives warned us that people had contracted AIDs but putting their feet with exposed injuries in the water. Gross and terrifying.   I was haggling back and forth with a vendor when I told him to give me a good teacher price. He stopped and told me how he was only fourteen when the Khmer rouge took over and how he lost his brother. He said they had closed all the schools so he never learned to speak English in school. Because of this he said it was so important that his daughters get an education and learn to speak English. He then introduced me to one of his daughters who was standing in the stall with us, who spoke perfect English. When I told him he spoke very good English, he shook his head and said he would never speak well because he had never finished school.

The next day we went to a temple that has had no preservation, so it involved a lot of climbing and I'm embedding a video of the action below. After exploring we went to a restaurant across the street, where halfway through my noodles I found some insect resembling a small ant crawling over my vegetables. Then after getting on the bus to come back to Siem Reap, the non guide guide offered some mini- muffin cake like thing. Upon ripping off a piece I realized there was a spider cooked inside. Not a tarantula  or a daddy long legs, but a spider that was probably  the size of my finger nail (ring finger). I didn't eat it because the cake wasn't that good to begin with, but it got me wondering as to whether the spider was intentional or not. A lot of food in SE Asia includes bugs. This muffin thing could have easily just been rolled up on the spider and it got stuck and they said fuck it or it could have been intentionally put in there. For now I feel satisfied with my tarantula leg and I will incorporate bugs into my diet later...maybe. I had a lot more to say, but I never actually wrote it down so now I forget all the important and enlightening things I wanted to say to you. But that's okay. Oh and in case you were wondering which you weren't I passed my phonetics and grammar exam for the course.

A Word on Education

I've now had two full days of classes that potentially teach me how to be a teacher. This gets more complicated when I have to specifically learn all of the cultural faux paux of teaching in South East Asia. For example, you can never yell at your students because you will lose Face ( a concept I am still grappling with), but you can physically hit your students, make them wear dunce hats, or other mean and/or clever punishments you can think of.
    For the sake of keeping your attention I'll list off a few more cultural differences.

• The symbol Americans use to motion come here with your palm up and bringing your fingers towards you translates here to "Come Here Dog"...so that's not okay.
• Thumbs up translates to Shove it or Up yours!

Today we studied class management, grammar, and how to introduce new dialogue. Each day we have to perform some integral part of teaching that we learned in class the previous day. I know I'm starting to bore you and I don't have any pictures for this entry so I'm just going to come out and say it. The reason I would never see myself teaching in America, particularly younger kids to high school is because American students on the majority are ungrateful shits. We take education for granted because  K-12 is pretty much a given. Even I sat in the grammar section of my class today thinking about how much I don't care about grammar. And you know why I don't care about grammar? Because I forget that being able to speak English, particularly as a native speaker, is a HUGE privilege in this world. I can also speak and write in English, pretty well if I say so myself. Those are three massive privileges that I NEVER have to think about because I take them for granted. Most Americans are not faced with choices as to whether to stay in school or to drop out so they can help support their family. Why would I or any teacher for that matter, want to teach a bunch of students who don't want to be in their classroom and don't want to learn? That said, I don't have the same feelings in regards to teaching in Asia, because students here have a much different value of education. The story I heard today that backs that statement made national news this year. ( Of course when I wanted to find the link to post for you I couldn't find it). This news story is one of cheating, one of the biggest problems in schools in Cambodia. Teachers frequently receive bribes for giving better grades on tests and in some rural places entire towns will pitch in to give to the teacher. The story that made news went something along these lines.
              A boy and his father were caught cheating. The father was outside throwing rocks into the window of the second story with answers taped to their underside. The boy would catch the rock, copy down the answers, throw the rock back down and his father would then throw up a new rock with more answers.
    This probably sounds insane to you but it just goes to show how important education is in these countries. The livelihoods of entire families depend on their child being able to obtain an education. The potential breadmaker of that whole family may be a twelve year old and if he fails school that potential is gone. Obviously, there is cheating all over the American education system, but rarely where family or community members are assisting in cheating or bribery. Here, the problem has gotten so bad that many cities close down entire streets where schools are located so now one may come in from outside.
   That said, take a minute to think about how much energy drinks are consumed of college campuses. Asian Redbull comes with a pharmaceutical warning on the can.